Finding Myself

So here I am… emotionally lost and I feel like my heart and mind are just spinning out of control. I feel like I need to re-find who I and at the same time I think I know. I seam to be in a pointless race with myself to find happiness, a race I am loosing.

I guess at some point I have come to relies that with so many years with the same person I know she was there to talk to, or to look at and even to brush up on in passing in the hallway or roiling over in bed. But now that it’s gone, it is a feeling that one does not want to let go of.

The truth is I know who I am… 100%… I am a loving, and giving person with so much I want to share. I am hard working and honest and find that I am happy with the little moments life gives us. I know I am not perfect and I have a lot of my own flaws. Some I am working on and some just make me who I am.

So it is not so much that I am lost and need to be found. But more to the fact that I am just misplaced. At the moment I just do not fit anywhere and what I really need to do is become comfortable being me…. Just ME! With or without anyone else.

Loving and loosing

So this is not the best title for the holidays but there are just too many things that are on my mind… For those of you that know me you know how my life has been changed over the past year or so. The day before Thanksgiving I lost my stepfather. He fought stomach cancer for over a year before finding his eternal piece. So I guess it pretty obvious that we saw it coming but it never makes it easy to lose a loved one. And to have it happen this time of year will create a scar that will take time to fade.

He will be missed by so may that there are really no words that can be said or written. 17 years ago when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer he said he would beat it. He did. Now he is an example to us all. Be strong and live for the day.

It does not ever seem to get any easier as we get older. I think back to when I was a child and remember when the most frivolous things became such a burden to my mind. The littlest things would just end my world. Now as I learn form life’s challenges I realize that I do not have any of the answers. I can not fix the world…. Hmmmmm… I am not perfect.

I guess what it is about is noting more then being who I am… Nothing more and nothing less. Living each day for what it is and taking the good and bad.

I have lost so many people I cared about in such a short time. Not just through death but in other ways. I do not want you to think I am making it about me because it is not. These are the tings that define me and make me who I am.

So the holidays this year will be a bit loanlier and I am sure in some ways emotional. Make sure your loved one’s know they are loved.

Overcome

Looking back at 2007 I see how life can change, some for the good and not so good. Although my story is very personal to me I also believe that it is important to share as it was the challenges I had to face and needed to overcome that will shape me as a person.

My marriage of 10 years came to an end at the tail end of the 2007 summer. That by it self is devastating enough but then when the questions of “how will my 5 year old Son react” and “how will it affect the rest of his life” start to surface. I knew that I was going to have to make some very difficult decisions and I also knew that I was going to have to make changes. The months to follow were filled with questions but because of the support I had with my Family, Friends and even co-workers I was able to get through some of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with. Only because of my willingness to talk about what was going on and listen to the advice and thoughts of others was I able to pick up and move on.

Today I still have my Son and sure the makeup of my Family is different today then it was a year ago. My priorities are more clear today then ever and I know that time will offer new challenges and new opportunities. I keep an open mind on what the future holds because I know I am not perfect and from time to time I might fall down.

My story is not new and it is not innovative but it is a reminder to me that things can and do change and life still goes on. We need to be able to role with the punches and be willing to change. Rely on the support from your peers and have open communication.  These are the most basic tools we have. Use them.

What The?

OK… I have nothing to write about today. I have been sitting here for 30 plus minutes now as my laptop battery slowly dies and I can not think of a thing to write other then the topic of not knowing what to write…. Yes so here I am no better then the other Bloggers out there that get a free site. I mean what the F$#K are you here for? I guess my intent here is to talk about things that are on my mind or vent about random topics.

What about stupid stories? That’s an idea!

Keep checking back.

welcome!

Welcome to my random blog!

So I have been using Word Press for a few years now and I am very happy with it. At the moment I only have one site that is still in service and is sill using Word Press. Geek-Weekly.com is not my first web site and it was not my first site that used Word Press but it it the site I still play with.

My basic Idea for this free site is nothing more then just fun and my own personal rants. This is is some way to honor a great friend of mine that was the founder of pretendimgod.com. He was killed before his time in a tragic car accident.

RIP GREG!!!

You can also visit me at www.designedbyjason.com

Let the BLOG begin.